Friday, September 26, 2008

Somebody's Watching You

Lets start with some good news. The evil force aka Maharaj has been vanquished. Quailing before my brilliance like a village idiot would in front of Einstein holding forth on Quantum Physics, he has fled to the remote village of Rajasthan from whence he emerged in the dark ages. The caretaker slyly suggested that he left to attend some festivities there, but I think he is just jealous of the fact that I singlehandedly wreaked havoc on their evil dominion. The cook has been replaced by his son. Slightly unsettling is the fact that the son has been trying to convince me and Poli that Misal Paav and Vada Paav are excellent nutrition-rich breakfast. This is in addition to the Poha torture routine that I have now got used to.

Now to the bad news. A few days back Poli walked up to me with a worried look. Before I tell you more, it is important I tell you more about Poli. A proper introduction is in order. Poli aka Rampant Orbit is someone I have known for about a month now. Drawing on my experience with mankind, I have concluded Poli is, by and large, a pretty harmless chap.

Once in a while he does start reciting some poems he claims he studied in school. Loudly. Without being asked. Usually this recitation starts while we are having breakfast and at the exact moment when I am about to swallow the cook's greasy cholesterol-rich offerings. Thanks to Poli's impeccable sense of timing and lung power he manages to startle me every time. Such minor foibles aside, Poli spends most of his time at work staring away at his laptop, mostly traversing through wikipedia. Meanwhile I traverse the blogosphere with unparalleled glee. Once in a while he pauses to loudly wonder where his career is heading. After having concluded its heading nowhere, he resumes his staring. I reassure him that mine is heading nowhere either and we both return to what we seem to do best. Browsing.

Yes, now back to the bad news. There I was blissfully sipping on my morning tea and catching up on Dr. Mahinder Watsa's invaluable advice when Poli nudged me. Luckily I had finished the tea, so there was nothing left to spill on my clothes after I heard what he had to say. "I think someone in the building across the road has been videotaping me", he said. "Poli", I said in a soothing manner," I know we are both single, handsome (Greek god good looks, Poli emphasises), strapping young lads in our late twenties and willing to marry intelligent young women in their mid-to-not-so-late twenties (early-to-mid, Poli suggests) but I don't think anyone would want to videotape us". "I am pretty sure someone did", he said. "When exactly did you get this feeling .. and what exactly were you up to?", I said remembering our last encounter with Mr. XYZ and wondering if the encounter had inspired Poli to do something that he shouldn't be caught doing. Especially on tape. "I was sleeping when I got this feeling someone was watching me", he said. I breathed a sigh of relief. I told him it must have been a bad dream. Nevertheless, we went into Poli's room and stared at the said building. Everything seemed normal. Patting Poli on the back, I returned to my room.

But after this incident, Poli is no more the Poli we always refered to as the Rampant Orbit. He is now more of the Suspiciously Rampant Orbit. He sleeps with a camcorder next to him hoping to record the person whos doing the recording from the building. So, if you just happened to notice someone in the building across the road pointing a camcorder at you and you are not the person shooting Poli, then thats Poli shooting you.

In other news, Mama-Mia has awarded me the "Brillante Weblog Premio - 2008'. "Head over to his blog for some seriously hilarious stuff", she tells her readers. Such nice praise. I am honored. I could say more except that my British upbringing doesn't let me do anything other than keep a stiff upper lip. Hmm, actually I am neither British nor have a stiff upper lip. So, I must say "Woo hoo!" What joy. Thank you, Mama-Mia. And you should really remind them again to head over to my blog. My life has changed after the award. In addition to allowing me to use two meaningless words - Brillante and Premio - in my blog, I wondered how I could get hold of prize money such prizes usually bring. So, I decided to search online how much money I could expect in my mail now that I am a 'Brillante Weblog Premio - 2008' winner. As expected, it has substantially added to my status in society. I am now an extremely rich, single, handsome(think Greek god), strapping young man in my late twenties and willing to marry an intelligent young woman in her early-to-mid-to-not-so-late twenties (Thank you, Poli)

I am also supposed to pass on this award to seven others. Seeing that everyone whose blogs I trawl through have been nominated for the same by ten others and have enough awards to fill a medium size tractor, I am hereby awarding myself this award 6 more times. For "Brillante Weblog Premio - 2009", I will nominate 7 other blogs. Just be here on Jan 1, 2009 as I start the sequence.

20 comments:

Smita said...

lol :D

Hilarious post. My sympathies with scared Poli....

Errr are Misal Paav and Vada Paav not nutritious???

BTW when you are ready to mingle n marry, why are you running away from a Love Tag???
You never know your answers might floor an intelligent young woman in her early-to-mid-to-not-so-late twenties;-)

PS: I have something for you :-) Do drop in at

http://books-life-n-more.blogspot.com/2008/09/of-tags-awards-dev-anand.html

Psst you can not transfer a tag. Na! Na!

mystiquedew said...

Greek god ye say????

Can I have Poli's portfolio??

Avionic Spanker said...

smita - No lady who gets around to reading my love tag, IF I get around to writing one that is, will get floored .. more likely she'll show up with a gun in her hand

mystiquedew - If you spell Poli as Spanker, then you can def have it :) .. and we are all Greek gods, u know .. am the Greek god of long distance relationships :)

Oxy said...

Maharaj is sure shot my ex-cook. Weren't just ex-lovers enough that you remind me of cooks et al?

Who is Poli now?
I doubt of his(?) sex by now.. :)

And am the Greek God Of breaking love-relation within 21 days. :)

Fantasies of a Lifetime said...

Rofl :) Great post !!

Avionic Spanker said...

oxy - You ask such questions about Poli and he'll make me stop writing about our adventures :)

I can tell you that most Greek gods I know are bad at whatever they are supposed to be good at .. neat, huh?

fantasies of a lifetime - Thank you!

The Quirky Indian said...

You know how it is.....brilliance can't be hidden for very long, even if it's of the 'brilliante' and 'premio' kind. You were waiting to be discovered! :-)

Cheers,

Quirky Indian
http://quirkyindian.wordpress.com

mirrorcracked said...

Haha! Poor Poli... Dude, I now recognize you! Are you sure you're not PG Wodehouse? Exactly similar writing style! :D

Shefaly said...

Amid all the hilarity and if you have not employed hyperbole in your description, I am sorry to say he is showing signs of early stages of clinical paranoia. Since you live with him, you are in a good position to notice the changes. If things get out of hand, he will need medical attention.

Avionic Spanker said...

QI - Thank you .. I must say all discoveries are an adventure .. or something like that .. life is all premio for me these days

mirrorcracked - My British upbringing and stiff upper lip prevent me from responding

Shefaly - Poli is pretty normal otherwise .. and the only hyperbole was his camcorder :D .. he had binoculars in mind :)

couchpapaya said...

lol, hilarious post ... u know i second smita abt her tag, u need to let those ladies find u. as for the cook, wishing u ur very own Calendar sometime in the future. and really, what's wrong with misal paav ??

Anu said...

Lol.. this was a fun read. and I'll be coming back for a lot more... adding you to my blogroll

avdi said...

If I were poli, i would just pose obligingly.

It is not always one gets to be a video star.

Mama - Mia said...

:D

rather than suspiciously rampant orbit, shouldnt Poli be called rampantly suspiciois orbit in his current state of mind! :p

and you made just the amount of fun of the award that i had expected! thank you for accepting it tongue in cheek and humour in place!! :)

am thinking of moving to Mumbai and take the fkat opposite to spy on the greek gods! ogle?? no we late 20's, almost 30 aunties dont do that! :p

brilliante post yet again!! :D

cheers!

abha

Mama - Mia said...

ps: i would KILL for Vada Pav and Misal here in bangalore! :(

abha

ps: am on a mission to save my eyes! and since i have realised that word verification serves NO purpose whatsoeva, can i request you to pliss NOT have it!! PLS!! :)

Avionic Spanker said...

couchpapaya - misal paav as breakfast two to three times a week? Add a couple of poha days as well .. isnt that crazy?

anu - Glad you liked it. Look forward to seeing you here more often

avdi - Being a 'paid' video star in a movie is okay, starring in a viral video on youtube is probably not a great idea

mama-mia - Good point .. he is both suspiciously rampant and rampantly suspicious these days :) and if u r serious about spying, think Pune, not Mumbai ;)

I kept the WV because I thought it would prevent spam comments .. maybe I'll remove it and see how much impact it has

vimmuuu said...

Congrats on the awards!!!

avionic spanker said...

Thanks

Oxy said...

There is something for you here: http://blessed-curse.blogspot.com/2008/12/time-to-show-off.html

Another Kiran In NYC said...

Be still my heart! Greek God you say! *sigh*

Thank you for visiting my blog. Your blog has been a delight to unearth and read. For that I thank you. I shall be back... over and over.

Yes you are the only one to comment on the WSJ article on my blog. Perhaps my blurkers dont like the erudite hotness that Ramchandra Guha radiates. But I love my blurkers anyway!

I think I like Poli already. Him and me shall have much fun taping each other. Yes I know... kinky!