The names consultant, PI consultant!

What do I do? I am a consultant. Oh yes, cue bad consultant jokes. "Those who can, do. Those who can't, consult" or "Hiring consultants to conduct studies can be an excellent means of turning problems into gold, your problems into their gold". Pretty bad, eh? And then theres this one which is a a great source of mirth - A consultant is a man who knows 99 ways to make love, but doesn't know any women. Ha! You are wrong, folks .. there are more than 99 ways and *ahem*. We can take the discussion offline if you are interested and are a single beautiful woman looking for errr .. fruitful conversations.

Anyways, this particular post has nothing to do with the jokes. Its more to do with the response of the people I meet when I tell them I am a consultant. I immediately get this knowing look - the kind of knowing look you give when the person you are talking to has told you he has a degree in plumbing from the International Association of Plumbers, headquartered in Washtington DC no less. And, remembering ur latest misadventure at home, you are thinking, "Aha, this guy works with taps and pipes .. maybe he'll fix my leaking bathroom faucet for free if I show some interest". So embarking on your grand plan, you tell him how you always dreamt about being a plumber and your understanding of dignity of labour et al. In this case, I usually get to hear some gentle encouraging comment about how I'll get a dignified 'permanent' job soon. Yep, thats what the great software, IT, ITES boom has done - they have added the word 'consultant' to everyone's vocabulary. Everyone is sure that a consultant is a guy who has a temporary job or is someone who calls up ppl asking them to switch jobs. Everyone from the old grannies singing bhajans and kirtans in some dingy corner of the house to bored aunties who discuss which is the longest bindi in our prime-time soap operas to punks with weird hairstyles similar to those sported by Aamir Khan in Ghajini. All I can say is "Thank you Infosys, TCS, Satyam, Wipro, CTS etc etc" .. special thanks to TCS for having Consultancy as their middle name. Wonder who came up with that name. The reaction I received recently upon reluctantly mentioning my occupation was the icing on the cake. "Oh, so you help people get jobs? Listen, a friend of mine is looking for a job change .. You think you can help?" Why yes, ma'm .. I certainly can help. You can tell me who this friend is and I'll tell their boss they are looking for a job change. That should speeden up the process.

I AM NOT THAT KIND OF CONSULTANT .. thanks!